:: Journal ::

[ Tuesday, June 29, 2004 ]

[ Here's to a minority government...

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and forgiveness. I pray for strength and guidance in the coming weeks as I pursue wisdom on two accounts. ]

[ Saturday, June 26, 2004 ]

[ I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 last night with (pardon me while a try to remember everyone's name) Bob, Johanna, Kamila, Sophia, Luke, Yvonne, and... uh... Yvonne's boyfriend? Sorry dude - I didn't even meet you. As I said in the car on the way back to Abbotsford, I realize that the film must be taken with a grain of salt; that you can take footage from anyone's life and make them look positive or negative – as a hero or a villain; and I know that everything that happened cannot just be blamed on one man: Bush. However, the things that really stuck with me in this documentary were all the people destroyed by war. I mean I know war is a bad thing but this was real. These were real people candidly weeping and broken for the after-effects of a decision that they could do nothing about or, for that matter, were even aware of. Innocent people amid mass destruction, hell on earth, "where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

I remember the film following one mother who lost a son who was sent away to Iraq. Oh Lord, I don't even remember their names. Weeping for her dead son, reading the last letter he wrote to the family, reminiscing of the phone call: "... we regret to inform you..." dropping the receiver and collapsing on the floor; grief physically pulling her to the ground. And this was only one such mother. Only one. And this was on the American side of the fence, with no mention of the pain and suffering of the other side – the "bad" side. So much hurt, so much heartbreak, so much sorrow.

After the film I couldn't really talk. I had a lot of processing to do. Needless to say Sophia, Kamila, and I drove back to Abbotsford in the attempt to hook up with the rest of our movie compatriots to hang out. With that falling through the three of us hung out at Delair Park until Kamila's friend David picked her up to go to a party, leaving me to take Sophia home. Not that I am complaining, in fact quite the opposite. I haven't talked with her since January! We ended up driving around for quite some time and just being real – or as much as we could be under the circumstances. All in all it was a great night, and I am sorry to all of those whose grad I missed, but those who know me understand my reasoning. ]

[ Wednesday, June 23, 2004 ]

[ What in the world? Why now? Becasue I am weak.

"Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

W.B. Yeats ]

[ Saturday, June 19, 2004 ]

[ I just came home from Lori's birthday party. You know, I am really disappointed with people. We had a great time - Lori, Jillian, Erin, and I - but everyone else bailed. Yeah, there is "work", yeah there is "away on holiday", yeah there is "out of town", but every one else bailed. I fell that is totally unacceptable, and rude. We all knew how much this night would mean to Lori; we all knew the trouble she would go through; we all new the importance... and three people showed. I am sorry but I am pretty upset. Nevertheless, blessings on your day Lori.

I got to chill with Joshua last night at Denny's after their show. It was good to talk to him, and eventually Amy - finally - after such long periods of time between chill sessions. I hope we can hook up over the summer, he has some rad plans and God is dreaming in Him. Praise the Lord.

I finally hooked myself up with two things I have been looking for ages for - one longer than the other: Dark Ages: Feudal Lords - a collectable card game that caught my eye back in 1997; and a Liquid Light projector - first saw one at a party that we threw at my place for Blake's birthday. Steve and Rebecca brought it. I am so stoked.

Stephanie should have gotten in to town tonight on the bus. Hopefully we can shill tomorrow as I missed her in Calgary. Speaking of Calgary, one of the records I picked up there has a little glitch in it and skip just enough that the beat is thrown way off... and there is nothing I can do about it. I may have to buy the record over again, or just stick to the one side that is useful. That happens to be the better side anyway, but the wrecked track is still really good.

Other than that, I am excited to see what the Lord has in store over this summer. As I have confided in many people, I feel that I will be making some very large transitions in my life in the near future. Not simple but huge: from ministry focus, to life direction, from relational decisions, to social and emotional choices. I will continue to follow, but there is a bit of a curve coming up. As Brian put it (from Isaiah 55:8): If we look at our walk in a straight line, God can see around corners.

Lots to pray for and on my heart. Blessings. ]

[ Monday, June 14, 2004 ]

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[ Sunday, June 13, 2004 ]

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[ Saturday, June 12, 2004 ]

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[ Friday, June 11, 2004 ]

[ Check out the audio posts from my Calgary trip. I posted every time I got access to a phone and had something to say...

this is an audio post - click to play ]

[ Wow. I just had a really great talk with Will. I am only up checking my email because of "Operation Aihpos" - still on hiatus apparently - but I just had to mention my chat with will. Lord, be with Will, Scotty and James. They are all my buddies and I care for them a lot. Watch out for them and bless them. In Jesus name, amen. ]

[ Thursday, June 10, 2004 ]

[ It has been so long since I have written. This is lame, I know. Here is some stuff that is going on...

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (Jesus, Matthew 7:13,14) I realize that due to the decisions I made back around January 7th, 2004 my life has been very difficult for the past six months. But you know what? It is supposed to be difficult. Trying to live a life of holiness in this era is flippin’ hard! Jesus didn’t come for it to be a cakewalk. He came to give us a connection back to God, but that doesn’t mean it is going to be easy. Living holy lives when the world tells you otherwise.

I have been taking with Brian and Chad lately and more than ever before I feel a transition in my ministry from youth to young adults. Brian and I have been throwing around some awesome ideas of expanding on Blake and my Underground idea and I am fired up. I will need to continue in prayer for the Lord to do with me as He sees fit. Youth was great last night though. As before: God is bigger!

I really need to figure myself out on the "long term relationship" front. I mean, just give it a break Darin. It has been a long time and it needs to be longer; I know it needs to be longer. I need more time for God and less time losing my focus. I am already split between so many ministry opportunities and personal goals that I couldn’t devote the time I know is proper for a girl. My girl deserves my time and right now I have none. Enough said.

I must have gotten food poisoning, but I didn’t DJ at Historymaker. I was so sick, vomiting every 20 minutes on the clock. (Not vomiting on the clock, but vomiting as if on a time schedule with the clock, get it?) Speaking of DJing, the YFC Bus ministry is over for the summer and that affords me a Tuesday evenings to do more work on the youth site, more DJing and ultimately take on some more creative endeavours. I realized last night while playing guitar at CLCC Youth that I don’t play and sing nearly enough. I love music. I love DJing, drawing, writing, art in any form. I need to express my creativity; it is God given.

I am in Calgary this weekend chilling with Blake. Hopefully my Amazon order will come before I leave. I am flying out Friday at 5:00pm. I have set up AudioBlogger so I will be able to do some audio blogging from Calgary – very cool.

I am out. Peace and Grace. ]

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