:: Journal ::

[ Thursday, February 23, 2006 ]

[ Everything seems so close. To borrow a line from one of my many favourite films, "So much time an so little to do... Wait. Scratch that, reverse it."

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, I have drawn back - almost instinctively - toward all things "web development." It may be because I have finally been brought back to the CLCC Youth.com redesign but aside from that I think this goes deeper. I love to create, strategize, analyze, organize, and re-create. That is how I have been created and these actions bring me to life. In the words of a good friend and colleague, "The world needs more people who are fully alive."

I have been reading and researching and enjoying every minute of it. On any given day I do not have the time of day to sit down and read an article that is industry related or business relevant. However, maybe my definition of "not time" needs clarification: I do not make time for things that provide me with no instant gratification.

Now I've done it. If that isn't everyone's "real" issue.

I see this come up in every aspect of my life. I will skip meals and routine personal hygiene while working on a project of personal importance, performing recreational activities of significant interest, or studying the scriptures for the purpose of teaching. I forget - rather, shut off my receptors too - what is happening around me and maintain a level of focus that is unrivaled in areas of my life that I actually desire this focus: important projects I do not really care about, recreational activities that seem of nominal interest, or reading my bible and knowing Jesus when not for the purpose of sharing with others. It isn't that the objects of my affection are negative or wrong - conversely, the objects I disregard are positive or divine. It isn't that I don't see a value in these overlooked obstacles; in fact I pray earnestly for the "want" to do these things. I believe it is related to two internal ideals: sacrifice and nature (read: in the image of our Creator.)

To be continued... ]

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